Regard for self

Regard for self is the degree to which you accept, appreciate and value yourself.

What I notice, particularly in one-to-one work, is that lots of folk carry an imposter syndrome which is linked to low self-regard. People are often overly critical of themselves. They judge themselves harshly, attach blame to their shortcomings and they focus predominantly on negatives and shortfalls. Typical language includes phrases such as “I got that wrong”, “I’m no good at”, “if only I’d done that”, “they’re better at this”. Lots of energy goes into self-criticism, with a primary focus on “What I need to do better”.

The result is that people don’t notice their strengths and the things they do well. It creates a high sense of anxiety, a lack of compassion, and frustration and irritation towards self. It matters because a lot of energy goes into what is fundamentally a distraction; energy being used to criticise, judge and blame oneself instead of a focus on strengths, capabilities and potential.

In the workplace this can present as low morale, or setting impossibly high standards for interactions or projects. Low confidence and a lack of assertiveness can limit a person’s contribution and input into discussions and problem solving. People talk about feeling overwhelmed, anxious and paralysed or excessively stressed. It can result in burnout or a sense of not being worthy to be at the leadership table.

Leaders often try to please others as a way of gaining validation but they’re bending over backwards to attend to other people’s needs, ambitions and priorities at the expense of their own. There’s a danger they might acquiesce to other agendas, sacrificing more effective ways of working in the process.

Challenging these thoughts and behaviours can create the space for personal growth. Adopting the mantra of “I am enough” might be a useful new way of thinking. Focus hard on the good, your strengths and attributes. People often say,“If I just focus on my positives, I’ll become a narcissist” but in my experience that’s never been the result. Doing so rarely eliminates an ongoing appetite for development and you might gain a bit more positivity about yourself and work to your potential. Colleagues and managers can notice and name what they see, with compassion, helping people to acknowledge and appreciate their existing brilliance. One-to-one coaching is really useful, providing the space and support to reflect and grow into your wider potential.

You are enough, and it’s really helpful if you recognise that.

If you’d like to create a workplace where everyone realises their full potential, please get in touch.